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A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy, by Andrew Solomon
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Review
“…[U]nimaginably detailed, raw, minute-by-minute, illuminating, and just plain gripping. It's also the most extraordinary testament--to honesty, love, pain, doubt, and resilience.… This book is nothing less than a public service. I beseech you to read it.” – Bruce Feiller “As people read Sue’s memoir, what they will find is that her book is honest, and her pain genuine. Her story may be uncomfortable to read, but it will raise awareness about brain health and the importance of early identification and intervention to maintain it. If people listen to her – to all that she has experienced, and to how this has changed her – they will be quicker to respond to depression in young people, to the suicidal thinking that can accompany it, and to the rage that can build almost unnoticed in young people when the people who truly and completely love and care for them are distracted by other challenges in life.” —Paul Gionfriddo, President and CEO of Mental Health America “Required reading for all parents of adolescents...soul-piercingly honest, written with bravery and intelligence... A book of nobility and importance.” –The Times “Reading this book as a critic is hard; reading it as a parent is devastating….I imagine snippets of my own young children in Dylan Klebold, shades of my parenting in Sue and Tom. I suspect that many families will find their own parallels….This book’s insights are painful and necessary and its contradictions inevitable.” —Carlos Lozada, The Washington Post “[Sue Klebold’s book] reads as if she had written it under oath, while trying to answer, honestly and completely, an urgent question: What could a parent have done to prevent this tragedy?… She earns our pity, our empathy and, often, our admiration; and yet the book’s ultimate purpose is to serve as a cautionary tale, not an exoneration.” —The New York Times Book Review “[T]he parenting book everyone should read.” —Parents.com “I believe Sue Klebold. So will you.” —LA Times “At times her story is so chilling you want to turn away, but Klebold’s compassion and honesty –and realization that parents and institutions must work to discover kids’ hidden suffering-will keep you riveted.” —People.com “This book which can be tough to read in places is an important one. It helps us arrive at a new understanding of how Columbine happened and, in the process, may help avert other tragedies.” Rated: A. —Entertainment Weekly
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About the Author
Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999 who killed 13 people before ending their own lives, a tragedy that saddened and galvanized the nation. She has spent the last 15 years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand the crucial intersection between mental health problems and violence. Instead of becoming paralyzed by her grief and remorse, she has become a passionate and effective agent working tirelessly to advance mental health awareness and intervention.
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Product details
Paperback: 336 pages
Publisher: Broadway Books; Reprint edition (February 7, 2017)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1101902779
ISBN-13: 978-1101902776
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 0.7 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
1,259 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#17,828 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
My mom used to get upset with me because I disregarded what was going on in the world, as far as news goes. Columbine was the first news story that gripped me to the point of obsession. I asked all the questions every other person was asking, and made assumptions I had no right to make.That changed when I read Susan's essay, I Will Never Know Why. It, to me, is the single most important essay ever written, and it changed me. Never, since reading that essay, have I ever blamed parents for their child's behavior, especially kids in their teen years. I've seen my own child act out in ways that she certainly didn't learn from her father and I, and I felt deception like I never felt it before. And stupid. I felt stupid that a teen could pull the wool over my eyes. Thanks to Susan, I learned years ago that it is foolish to think I know my child.I waited for this book to drop on my Kindle last night, and read it until I finished it. I did have to take breaks, because she is raw and honest, and as a mother, this is a welcomed relief, but also suffocating. I can only conclude that not only is this book a reflection of Susan's most personal thoughts, but a reflection of myself and all the mistakes I've made, and the signs I've overlooked as a parent. It's suffocating to realize my own failures, simply put.Every year, right after New Year's, I share Susan's essay on my FB page in hopes of enlightening others. Susan, I continue to send you strength, courage and clarity. Thank you for being you. From one mother to another, I give you permission to mourn your son. You can simultaneously have grief for all the victims and your son, because the heart can hold multiple emotions at once. I wish you well.
I was 14 when the Columbine massacre occurred. I can still vividly remember all of the news channels here in Minnesota constantly reporting on it. I remember this event so well because I quickly learned that they listened to the same music I liked, and so many talk show hosts blaming Rammstein and Marilyn Manson was just absurd to me. I remember reports that they had been bullied, and I was definitely bullied too. I saw similarities between myself and them and yet I couldn't understand why they did such a thing.Sue explains her thoughts, feelings, and actions thoroughly and I completely understand now why Eric and Dylan could have thought such a thing would help them. Mental illnesses are very cruel, and they victimize thousands, if not more, every year.I never blamed Sue nor any of the other parents for what Dylan and Eric did. I was 14, and I knew despite my unhealthy upbringing that my decisions were only mine to own. I feel terrible for what the Klebolds and Harrises went through. They were victims too, but in the most unfathomable and misunderstood way. THANK YOU SUE, for sharing your story, and sharing a little of Dylan with the world. You are not a monster for loving your son.
I've always wanted to hear from the parents of the Columbine shooters exactly what their experience was like. This book goes into great detail about Dylan's life growing up in Littleton leading up to the massacre. I was completely engrossed to hear from Sue Klebold what it was like to unwittingly raise a killer. One of the most overlooked aspects of the Columbine tragedy that this book illuminated for me is the fact that Eric went to the school that day to kill while Dylan went there to die.Similar to the point that Dave Cullen makes in his great book "Columbine" though the boys ultimately committed murder at the school together what got them to that terrible conclusion was quite different. The most telling thing that I got from this book was that to his mother Dylan seemed like a perfectly normal teenager. He did not display any signs that would, for most parents, raise any red flags. He was involved, he had friends, he held jobs, he participated in activities at school, and his grades were good. I think for most parents we cling to the notion that those boy’s parents had to know that something was terribly wrong with their sons. This thinking helps us believe that what Dylan and Eric did could never happen with anyone we know. The terrible realization came when I started to understand that what Dylan did could happen to anybody's child.When we put Dylan Klebold into the safe little box where he was an evil person to the core it makes us feel safer because our own child could never do something like what he did, could they? Much like other famous tragedies that ended in death Columbine is easier to deal with when we can easily explain what happened and why it happened. The chilling thing that I've come to realize is that what happened on April 20, 1999 at Columbine High School has the potential to happen practically anywhere.The book was at times very repetitive and sometimes I did feel like Sue was trying to drive home the fact that she was an amazing parent to Dylan. Her liberal ideals did get on my nerves at times, just because they are very different from my own, but I can still appreciate her views without agreeing with them. At one place in particular in the book she tells us about an incident only days before the shootings that I have a really hard time believing is true. It feels more like she included this story to make herself look better. On the other hand, if she is telling the truth, then Dylan was truly unbelievably manipulative and cruel in the way he lied to his mother that morning. Maybe it's just that it is hard to believe that a person could be so cold and deceptive.Ultimately this book is a much needed chapter in the Columbine tragedy. The suicide of Dylan Klebold is so tragic because he was a teenager on the brink of graduation, he already had a college picked out and a dorm room paid for, he had a potentially bright future working with computers, and a family who loved him dearly. How could this boy make the horrific decision to kill himself and take innocent lives in the process? That is the question that will haunt me for years.
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